I Am ?

What’s Your Role?

“True friendship doesn't come with strings attached but an open heart full of compassion, and unconditional giving and receiving.  Real friends allow each other to be themselves without condition or expectation and see each other through the roughest roads without judgment.” 

I came across the text above in comments made on an online article about friendships and roles in those friendships.  Right, wrong, or indifferent, we sometimes end up in certain roles in friendships.  In some, we are the listener/counselor/problem solver.  In others we are the other side needing someone to listen/counsel/or solve a problem.  Yet in others, it is the one-way deal where you only hear from the other person when they need something, have drama in their life, or something else on the calendar has canceled and they now have “time” to fill. 

In a perfect setting, the best friendships are the ones where we can shift in and out of the roles we need or the other person needs at the time.  In the imperfect world we live in though, that is not always the case.  Our own egos, selfishness, and insecurities attach strings and are not always unconditional as we pull our own set of issues into the mix.  The most common example is when someone is talking to us about an issue they are having, and we suddenly shift the conversation and make it about us.  We all do it.  We will not stop doing it, but what we can do is become aware of the feelings when they come on and keep our mouth shut till it passes.

Friendships, like any relationship, take work.  We need to be able to move in and out of roles needed by the other side or needed by us at the time for them to grow and flourish.  If you have the same role all the time with certain people, maybe it is time to reevaluate those relationships and see if they need to move to the acquaintance circle as opposed to friendship circle.  To take it a step further, ask those close to you what you could do to be a better friend.  Who better to get feedback from than your friends?