“True friendship doesn't come with strings attached but an open heart full of compassion, and unconditional giving and receiving. Real friends allow each other to be themselves without condition or expectation and see each other through the roughest roads without judgment.”
I found the quote above 10 years ago and keep it as a handy reference. We all end up in certain roles in friendships. In some, we are the listener/counselor/problem solver, and in others, we need someone to listen/counsel/or solve a problem. Yet in others, it is the one-way deal where you only hear from certain people when they need something, have drama in their life, or something canceled on their calendar and now have time to fill.
In a perfect setting, the best friendships are the ones where we can shift in and out of the roles we need or the other person needs at the time. In the imperfect world we live in though, that is not always the case. Egos, selfishness, and insecurities attach strings and are not always unconditional as we pull our own set of issues into the mix. The most common example is when someone is talking to us about an issue they are having, and we shift the conversation to make it about us. We all do it and will not stop doing it, but what we can do is be aware of the feelings when they come on and keep our mouth shut until it passes. It’s back to my favorite saying, you learn so much more by listening.
Friendships, like any relationship, take work. We need to be able to move in and out of roles needed by the other side or needed by us at the time for us all to grow and flourish. If you have the same role all the time with certain people, maybe it is time to reevaluate those relationships and see if they need to move to the acquaintance circle as opposed to friendship circle. To take it a step further, ask those close to you what could you do to be a better friend? Who better to get feedback from than a friend?
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