The Dreaded Three
“We need to talk…can we talk…ya got a minute…” Those three little phrases can strike fear, anxiousness, or the feeling of oh crap what’s coming next. Most of my experiences with those phrases have been in less than positive situations like a relationship about to break up, a situation at a job, or a death. Short of someone goofing on me, I really cannot recall hearing any of those phrases where the outcome was positive. Every time I have heard them, I recall getting the sinking or anxious feeling in my stomach. I also recall knowing it was coming.
In relationships of all types, we know when something is off just by feeling it. Have you used “I knew this was coming” when a relationship ended? Even when Shelley left, I knew something was off prior to her telling me, but I chose not to deal with my feelings or ask her any questions hence the feeling of getting blindsided.
So how do we get to the point of hearing “we need to talk…can we talk…ya got a minute?” I sum it up with one word: procrastination. Wikipedia defines procrastination as - the counterproductive deferment of actions or tasks to a later time. We sometimes do put off feelings or certain conversations at the time they are happening, as they can be uncomfortable. We like to convince ourselves we do it to avoid a fight, it is not that important, or we will deal with it later. Then when one of the three phrases come up we feel totally caught off guard. Jamie told years ago: “you deal with it now or it will deal with you later.”
I firmly believe in karma and timing. I am not suggesting you immediately jump on a conversation when you sense something; however, I am suggesting you take notice, raise the priority of the feelings to the top of the list, and mentally develop a plan to work with the feelings and communicate. Being in tune with your feelings and learning to express yourself in a respectful and kind way will help you avoid hearing one of The Dreaded Three.
Rodney - Living Three Free
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