Shut The Hell Up

Some of the most heated and hurtful fights I’ve ever had never left my head or my mouth.  No, I’m not mental, but there are all sorts of voices that dance around inside my head.  I know them all and know them will.  Luckily, lots of therapy and counseling has equipped me with the tools to know how to communicate with them.  We actually have regular discussions.  Some of them have names like, “arrogance, shyness, insecurity, male ego, stupid boy, and complete dumbass,” and then there are the others just appear to annoy the shit out of me. 

Researchers will tell you the brain is one of if not the most powerful super-computer in the world, but there is that minor detail that comes into play.  It’s called emotion.  If we only processed in the binary world of 1’s and 0’s, things would be so much different.  Notice I said different and not better.  To me, emotion is what makes life so wonderful.  There was a time where I shut down my emotions and lived in a binary world of 1’s or 0’s, black or white, or whatever you want to call it.  The thing about the binary world is that you feel nothing.  Rather, you just learn to exist.  I would rather feel than exist on any given day.  That’s when I learned that living comes with experiencing “the gray.” 

Life is not about the 1’ or 0’s or about the black and white.  It is all about the gray. Dancing with the voices is fine as long as you know you can tell them to Shut the Hell Up.