Ya Fishin?
I write a lot about the power of words. They can be optimistic high energy words, lower energy, sarcastic, manipulative, persuasive, complimentary or maybe flattering. Now the words in and of themselves are just combination of letters with an assigned definition and nothing more. Do you know common thing in the examples given above? Yes sarcasm does have something in common with a compliment or optimism. Still guessing are ya? The one thing they all have in common pretty simple: motivation/intent. The energy you give the words is what determines their power.
Of all the examples above, I want to focus in on compliments vs. flattery. Motivation is the sole driver when it comes to compliments or flattery. A compliment has a very specific purpose. It is all about giving good energy to another person to honor and help build them up. Flattery also has a specific purpose. Flattery is the “all about me” set of words. You may say something nice about someone, but your real intent is to get them to say something nice for you. Flattery is fishing for compliments. I’ve learned there can be many reasons for fishing for compliments, but there are two particular ones I see more times than not. The top reason is missing or not getting them regularly closely followed by insecurity/self esteem.
As I’ve become more aware and open, I’ve learned to feel when someone is fishing. Most of the time but not always, it will set a flag for me. Rather than go on the emotional defensive of “I feel you fishing”, I try to look at it from the side of the other person reaching out saying “I need some kind words, please validate me.” At our very core, we want to be needed and desired. That’s just the way we’re made.
We all encounter flattery fisherman and sometimes are them ourselves. Rather than take the emotional defensive next time, try to look at it as someone is reaching out. If you are the fisherman, ask yourself why. “Compliment the woman (man) in your life or someone else will.” That sentence has stuck with me for years. A compliment is one of the best gifts I can give someone as I am giving a piece of myself to them through my words and energy. The TOP thing to remember about a sincere compliment is that there is only one valid response: Thank You.
Rodney
I write a lot about the power of words. They can be optimistic high energy words, lower energy, sarcastic, manipulative, persuasive, complimentary or maybe flattering. Now the words in and of themselves are just combination of letters with an assigned definition and nothing more. Do you know common thing in the examples given above? Yes sarcasm does have something in common with a compliment or optimism. Still guessing are ya? The one thing they all have in common pretty simple: motivation/intent. The energy you give the words is what determines their power.
Of all the examples above, I want to focus in on compliments vs. flattery. Motivation is the sole driver when it comes to compliments or flattery. A compliment has a very specific purpose. It is all about giving good energy to another person to honor and help build them up. Flattery also has a specific purpose. Flattery is the “all about me” set of words. You may say something nice about someone, but your real intent is to get them to say something nice for you. Flattery is fishing for compliments. I’ve learned there can be many reasons for fishing for compliments, but there are two particular ones I see more times than not. The top reason is missing or not getting them regularly closely followed by insecurity/self esteem.
As I’ve become more aware and open, I’ve learned to feel when someone is fishing. Most of the time but not always, it will set a flag for me. Rather than go on the emotional defensive of “I feel you fishing”, I try to look at it from the side of the other person reaching out saying “I need some kind words, please validate me.” At our very core, we want to be needed and desired. That’s just the way we’re made.
We all encounter flattery fisherman and sometimes are them ourselves. Rather than take the emotional defensive next time, try to look at it as someone is reaching out. If you are the fisherman, ask yourself why. “Compliment the woman (man) in your life or someone else will.” That sentence has stuck with me for years. A compliment is one of the best gifts I can give someone as I am giving a piece of myself to them through my words and energy. The TOP thing to remember about a sincere compliment is that there is only one valid response: Thank You.
Rodney
No comments:
Post a Comment