The Forecast
People are like the weather. We all go through different seasons. I had that very conversation with two of my girly friends over the weekend regarding dating. We were discussing how some people try to move way too fast. You go out with someone for a month maybe, and before you know it, bam here it comes: “We have so much in common…I feel like I have known you all my life…You know what I am thinking…You understand me and I understand you…I think I love you.”
There is no way you can know someone that well in 30 days as you have not seen them through different seasons. I doubt you have seen them deal with anger, stress, or grief, as the newness and courting are still going on. Even if we did a full data dump on our lives to each other, we still would not know the other person, as we have not had our experiences with them. You would know about them but would not know them.
How many times have you heard a friend say, “I am not going to waste time with someone…I want a relationship and want to get married in the next XX months...” Statements like that one put undue pressure on a situation that does not even exist yet. Do you really want to put that type of pressure on a situation before you really get to know someone? Love at first sight is a myth. Sure, there is lust and infatuation, but actual love takes time to develop.
We are indeed like the weather and do go through different things and emotions at different times in the year. Some of the best insight and advice I have learned regarding relationships comes from Dr. Henry Cloud and his book – How To Get A Date Worth Keeping. He refers to dating as experiments. Dating is a chance to get to know yourself and other people. If you go in with the checklist of they have to make this much money, work out this many times a week, live in this part of town, etc., you could be missing out on the right one. Those are things they do not who they are. As Dr. Cloud says, “Date without expectation and you may get a nice surprise.” Trying to force someone to be in a certain place or do certain things will only breed resentment later.
Remember, you will only get what you give. To find someone healthy all the way around, you have to be someone that is healthy all the way around. Just like the weather, we do indeed have seasons. So what is the current forecast in your world?
Rodney - Well Seasoned - Sometimes Spicey
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