Thought of the Day - 8/2/09

Fractions and Wholes

“How wonderful that no one need wait a single moment to improve the world.” - Anne Frank

I was listening to Ron Carpenter yesterday as he was discussing being single (in the context of not being married). As I have not been married before, this topic really jumped out at me. In fact I reversed the DVR a number of times to pick up all the good words being sent out to me. Rather than looking at being single as being “without” someone in your life, being single is a season to learn.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had people say, “you’ve never been married…what’s wrong with you?” My typical response is “I’ve never been married which also means I’ve never been divorced. That normally shuts them up. Sure I’ve thought about not being married and to be candid, I have asked the “what’s wrong with me” question of myself 1000’s of times. I now know the answer to that question. I was not whole and complete.

Speaking from experience of not being married in my 50 years, there are so many things I’ve learned during my “singleness.” However, in the last three years, I think have done the most significant learning during my singleness than the other 47 years combined. I’ve learned who Rodney really is and why I’m here. I’ve learned about the law of attraction and that like attracts like. I’ve learned I can’t fix or change anyone, but I can help them. I’ve learned reading is actually a lot of fun. I’ve learned that every person you encounter teaches you a little something. I’ve learned to look for and appreciate the little things more than the WOW moments. I’ve learned I really like to write. I’ve learned when you speak from your heart, the right words come to you. I’ve learned the fundamental needs of all human beings. I’ve learned how to help others at deeper levels. I’ve learned that meditation does indeed work. I’ve learned I like sushi. I’ve also learned no matter how many toys and money I have that happiness and joy are not derived from said money and toys. I’ve learned the importance of having a spiritual life. I’ve learned to be still and listen to my spirit (well most of the time anyway). I’ve learned to open myself up to new experiences rather than doing things the way I’ve always done them. I’ve learned to put myself out there rather than being the quiet person blending into the wallpaper. I’ve learned patience changes everything. But I feel these are the top five most important things I’ve learned.

1. Love is not about sexuality, nor is it primarily a feeling. Love is a commitment, a consistent and determined decision to think of others first, to put their needs above your own, and to serve them.
2. I am responsible for my own happiness and no one can make me happy.
3. Being able to communicate and listen changes everything.
4. The four deepest needs of everyone are – acceptance, identity, security and purpose
5. When a man and a woman do the things we were designed to do them, relationships work and work well (I can send you the needs info if you would like it. Just shoot me an email).

As Paul says in the Bible, if you manage singleness properly, it’s a gift. It’s a season to learn who you are and become whole. When you are whole, you can bring value to a relationship rather than baggage. As a whole, you compliment the other in the relationship rather than compete with them. I now know the difference between being a fraction or a whole. I’ve learned a great many things in my “singleness”.

Action Item – Are you a fraction or a whole? How are managing your singleness? If you feel incomplete or like you are missing something, then you are. Identify those things that keep you as a fraction then work on a plan to become whole. I can help you define that action plan.

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Takers
I’m getting some nice response to the “Complaint Free World” 21 day challenge. Four are up of the challenge. And since I know that number will only go up, I ordered 25 of the bracelets yesterday. Who’s next?