About You Not Them

 

Unfinished Business.  Those two words can knock you for a loop faster than anything.  At some point in life, we all deal with unfinished business.  It can be anything from holding onto a grudge or bad experience from the past, wishing you would have said something to someone like, I love you, or the loss of someone in your life.  I submit a large amount of therapy and counseling time revolves around unfinished business.  Heck!  Who am I kidding; I know it does, I have lived it.  Through living it, I found unfinished business to be a great teacher.  It has taught me to “Hold on Loosely” as .38 Special sings about, to appreciate people and things and let them know, and the best thing of all, the skill of forgiveness, and yes, forgiveness is indeed a skill. 

We are programmed by society to think forgiveness requires confronting whomever and having them acknowledge how they wronged us so we can forgive them.  What about the line, “I can forgive them, but I can’t forget what they did?”  What a load of crap that is yet most people live that way.   If you say, you forgive but cannot forget, that means you are keeping score.  If you are keeping score, you have not forgiven them in your heart. 

Your heart is where the skill of forgiveness resides.  Just like we hold love and good feelings in our heart, we can also hold the bitterness, hurt, grudges, and anger.  The skill of forgiveness is the ability to release whatever it is at the heart level.  Think about all the energy it takes to hold a grudge against an ex or maybe anger and hurt against someone.  In most cases, they do not have a clue you are still holding on to whatever it is, but you know as you remind yourself every day or every time you see or hear them. 

Unfinished business becomes finished business with three simple words, “I forgive you.”  The words never have to be spoken, but they do have to come from your heart.  Each time you can say “I forgive you,” you will feel a little bit of peace.  Get those three simple but powerful words, “I forgive you” in your heart and watch how fast your life changes for the better.