Where Does Your Buck Stop?
“Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present, and that takes practice, but we don't have to do anything else. We don't have to advise, or coach, or sound wise. We just have to be willing to sit there and listen.” - Margaret J. Wheatley
Teri and I were discussing “people” over lunch on Wednesday, and the topic of control came up. The context was about how people sometimes try to control the other person in a relationship. In my humble opinion - Control is something that’s given away not taken.
From what I have personally experienced, and yes I have been controlled and have tried to control others, the feeling that you need to control someone is typically deep seeded in insecurities and issues from the past. Be honest, you know some of the insecurities I’m talking about.
“I can make them happy.”
“If they are around me enough, they will have the same feelings I do.”
“If they’re with me, then they won’t meet someone else and leave.”
“If they’re with me, they won’t cheat on me and sleep with someone else.”
“If I buy them nice things, they will stay with me.”
“If I lose weight he/she will be more attracted to me.”
When you write it down like I did above, it probably looks a little silly, but I feel confident in saying everyone in the group had or has at least one of these insecurities. I have or had every one of them at some point in my life. I contend people are going to do what they are going to do, and no amount of control is going to change that fact. It may be delayed, but it will happen. There is not one thing you can do to stop it. Of that, I am 100% convinced.
If you are going to cheat on your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend, there is nothing the other side can do about it. If someone is going to leave you, they already know it and are just looking for “the excuse” to get out – no one likes to be the bad guy. What is in your head and heart will come out sooner or later.
There are probably a few taking exception to the words above, but there is a subtle but VERY important fact embedded in the words. There is not a single thing “you as the person attempting to control the situation” can do about it. The decision is not yours to make.
Everyone has free will. Sometimes we may not feel as though we have free will and control as we think situations and people have held us down. In some instance, it was easier to give up some level control rather argue under the guise of trying to keep the peace. You say yes to something, when you know in your heart that the real answer is no. We allowed the situations and people to hold us down by giving up our control. So where does your buck stop? It stops with you. You have the power and control.
Action Item – It’s Friday. No homework today.
Looking For Opportunities
Teri has an associate that was a casualty of the merger of Wachovia and Wells Fargo. She is looking for something new.
Shirlyn has more than 15 years of professional experience providing V.P., division and region level administrative support. Proficient in Microsoft Office, People Soft and Factor Soft. Accustomed to deadline driven situations by using my strong interpersonal and excellent organizational skills. Extensive knowledge in risk management operations.
If you know of an opportunity for Shirlyn, please send me an email, and I’ll shoot you her resume’
Positive News
Getting Better
Foreclosures are down 6% in Harris County.
Think About It
Regina Brett is a 90 year old writer that writes a column for The Plain Dealer in Cleveland. She wrote a column on the top 45 things she has learned in her life. Here are a few of my favorites.
“No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
“Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present, and that takes practice, but we don't have to do anything else. We don't have to advise, or coach, or sound wise. We just have to be willing to sit there and listen.” - Margaret J. Wheatley
Teri and I were discussing “people” over lunch on Wednesday, and the topic of control came up. The context was about how people sometimes try to control the other person in a relationship. In my humble opinion - Control is something that’s given away not taken.
From what I have personally experienced, and yes I have been controlled and have tried to control others, the feeling that you need to control someone is typically deep seeded in insecurities and issues from the past. Be honest, you know some of the insecurities I’m talking about.
“I can make them happy.”
“If they are around me enough, they will have the same feelings I do.”
“If they’re with me, then they won’t meet someone else and leave.”
“If they’re with me, they won’t cheat on me and sleep with someone else.”
“If I buy them nice things, they will stay with me.”
“If I lose weight he/she will be more attracted to me.”
When you write it down like I did above, it probably looks a little silly, but I feel confident in saying everyone in the group had or has at least one of these insecurities. I have or had every one of them at some point in my life. I contend people are going to do what they are going to do, and no amount of control is going to change that fact. It may be delayed, but it will happen. There is not one thing you can do to stop it. Of that, I am 100% convinced.
If you are going to cheat on your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend, there is nothing the other side can do about it. If someone is going to leave you, they already know it and are just looking for “the excuse” to get out – no one likes to be the bad guy. What is in your head and heart will come out sooner or later.
There are probably a few taking exception to the words above, but there is a subtle but VERY important fact embedded in the words. There is not a single thing “you as the person attempting to control the situation” can do about it. The decision is not yours to make.
Everyone has free will. Sometimes we may not feel as though we have free will and control as we think situations and people have held us down. In some instance, it was easier to give up some level control rather argue under the guise of trying to keep the peace. You say yes to something, when you know in your heart that the real answer is no. We allowed the situations and people to hold us down by giving up our control. So where does your buck stop? It stops with you. You have the power and control.
Action Item – It’s Friday. No homework today.
Looking For Opportunities
Teri has an associate that was a casualty of the merger of Wachovia and Wells Fargo. She is looking for something new.
Shirlyn has more than 15 years of professional experience providing V.P., division and region level administrative support. Proficient in Microsoft Office, People Soft and Factor Soft. Accustomed to deadline driven situations by using my strong interpersonal and excellent organizational skills. Extensive knowledge in risk management operations.
If you know of an opportunity for Shirlyn, please send me an email, and I’ll shoot you her resume’
Positive News
Getting Better
Foreclosures are down 6% in Harris County.
Think About It
Regina Brett is a 90 year old writer that writes a column for The Plain Dealer in Cleveland. She wrote a column on the top 45 things she has learned in her life. Here are a few of my favorites.
“No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
When in doubt, just take the next small step.
Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry, God never blinks.
If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.”
Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.”
Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
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